Cains book is full of research validating the differences in personality that even infants and young children display. What are introverts like as children 7 characteristics psychology. The secret strength of introverts, takes a deep dive into the world of introverts. By nature, extroverts are stimulating and outgoing. I recently had a conversation with an extroverted parent who has had a really hard time understanding her introverted sons behavior. Easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation, they can be seen as unmotivated. Frequently mischaracterized as shy, they interact with. Get comfortable with your child s temperament and needs. While introverts make up an estimated 25 to 40 percent of the population, there are still many misconceptions about this personality type. All children ask questions, but an introverted child will surprise you with their depth of thinking.
And now shes tackling the issue of introverted kids and teens in her new book, quiet power. Meri wallace, a child and family therapist for over 20 years and author of birth order blues owl books, agrees about the connection between birth order and personality traits. Introverts tend to be good listeners, loyal friends, and. Tips for raising an introverted child verywell family. Common misconceptions about introverted children verywell family. Introversion is a very deep character trait, according to harvard university psychology professor jerome kagan, ph. When you birth a child who is wired completely differently than you, parenting can become a struggle. If your child has these seven traits, he or she may be an introvert. Scholars and writers, for example, are often inward. Being an introvert does not mean that you are socially anxious or shy. Parenting can be challenging for all parents, whether introvert or extrovert. Temperament refers to a ones predisposition to act and react in certain ways based on personality characteristics that are present at birth. When i decided to write a post on whether its less difficult to raise an introverted child than an extroverted one, my working hypothesis was.
It turns out, says laney, that introversion is related to energy management. If youre an introvert and you feel down about it, this article will make you feel better. It is also important to note that introversion is not the same thing as social anxiety or shyness. It can be that you are an extrovert parenting an introverted child.
Tips for introverted parents raising extroverted kids wired. As a teenager, i had a group of friends i loved, but spending time with them drained me. Introverted kids are more likely to stay on the sidelines. Check out these ten quality traits of introverts that you didnt even know you have. Introverts live internally, and they need someone to draw them out, writes dr. Another child avoids shopping and gets quickly frazzled, annoyed by the constant noise, overwhelmed by all of the choices, and frustrated by the crowds. It could be one hour in the afternoon or midmorning, where you get to sleep a little or read a book. She writes that children s temperaments are innate although parents play an important role in nurturing that temperament. Parenting the introverted child wyatt the wonder dog.
Introversion and extroversion, she says, are basic innate temperamental traits. While this book is primarily written for adults who are introverts, there is much information in this book about children and parenting. Force them to go outside and play when they want to recharge inside. The power of introverts in a world that cant stop talking, author, susan cain identifies research that validates the differences in personality style that even infants and young children display. The first thing to do is to make sure that you understand what it means to be an introvert. An introverted child needs to be recharged frequently. The second child, who is drained by the same situation, is labeled an introvert. Introverts and extroverts brains are wired differently, according to dr. Ten tips for parenting an introverted child by susan cain. Astonishingly, even at a young age, many introverted kids can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. No two introverts are exactly alike, but introverted children tend to share these seven characteristics to some degree. Introverts seek stimulation through inner thoughts and extroverts do it through the environment.
Some people assume introverts are socially anxious, but thats not the case. How to raise an introverted child quick and dirty tips. Raising an introvert in an extrovert world parents. Being an introvert myself, i could relate to the issues raised. Raising an introverted child in an extroverted world hey sigmund. Their child may prefer to spend time alone reading or engaging in other individual activities rather than eagerly seeking out the companionship of other kids. If the outcome is not great, it only serves to confirm to the parent that something is wrong when, in fact, the only thing that may be askew is the parents expectation. Help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world. Wanting a welladjusted child, these parents may apply tips that can help shy children become more outgoing, but they arent going to change the nature of an introverted child.
What are introverts like as children 7 characteristics. For extroverted parents, knowing how to deal with an introverted teen can be especially confusing. Introverted children are often misunderstood, even by their parents, who worry about them. The bigger problem emerges when extroverted parents dont understand their introverted child. To give you a quick cheat sheet, here are 15 things you should never do to your introverted children. Raising a teenager is a challenging and frustrating endeavour for most parents. No, your child cannot be quiet and reserved like you. Marti olsen laney brings wisdom and science together to provide parents with an essential guide to raising a successful, welladjusted innie.
Finally, a book on introversion which specifically relates to children. Call them spirited, emotionally intense, difficult, high needs, or challengingit doesnt matter. In dealing with their own anxieties, parents will often force an introverted child to interact with others in a way that is neither natural nor comfortable. And sure youre doing everything all wrong because those parenting books other parents swear by just dont work for you. I always assumed those traits meant i was an extrovert. Cain argues that modern western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people, leading to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness the book presents a history of how western culture transformed from a culture of character to. If youre an extroverted parent with quiet children, you may find it difficult to accept their unwillingness to speak up or make friends. The pressure to be on for their children when theyre exhausted and feeling drained can be hard. I was content spending whole afternoons by myself, writing books on construction paper and daydreaming. How to raise an introverted child in our extremely social, exhibitionistic world, being an introvert can be tough. Understanding introverts and extravertsithe center for. The personality of an individual is understood through a set of characteristics that determine the way he thinks, feels and behaves.
Sometimes we try to just smile a lot, hoping that gives out a signal that we are friendly, but an awkward forced smile just makes it worse. Parents will often worry if a child is introverted and prefers quieter pursuits. It can give the impression that we dont approve of our child interacting with their children. As a parent, the greatest gift you can give to an introverted child is acceptance. While its important to foster your child s social development and celebrate their need for socializing, its equally important that you dont constantly overextend yourself. Content with just one or two close friends, they may be perceived as unpopular. How does your personality affect your parenting style. It can be tough being an introverted teenager in a world that often seems geared toward extroverts.
They didnt seem to need the alone time that i required just to function. Introverted children have a lot to offer the world. We talked with cain about helping young introverts deal with school, extracurriculars, family life. Helping your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world, also explains that introverts renew their energy or recharge their batteries through alone time, whereas extroverted children recharge interactions with others and activity. Introverted children may be a little more on the sensitive side and not always open to sharing their struggles. Think of your introvert s social energy as a battery. Use this alone time to take a break from the insanity around you. Your introverted child has secret strengths, says susan. With the hidden gifts of the introverted child, dr. If you have an introverted child this is a must read. Quiet kids, help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world by christine fonseca, published by prufrock press inc.
You and your child an important aspect of a child s personality has to do with what is called temperament. Introverts just dont handle social stimulation as well as extroverts do. Marti olsen laney, author of the hidden gifts of the introverted child. A child that loves to talk and talk and talk, and say hello to everyone, and play with friends all the time, and be in your business every minute of every day. The ultimate parenting guide for introvert moms, dads and kids. Lets start by understanding the characteristics of an introvert, and what makes an introvert different from an extrovert and an ambivert. The book is a guide of sorts for not only teens, but every. An introverted child is more likely to stay out of trouble and less likely to be rambunctious at school, says kagan. Is it easier, or harder, to parent an introverted child. They may seem older than they really are, somehow possessing insights beyond their years.
Share the uniqueness and positive attributes of both approaches. If you have an intense child, you probably know it. But as i began to read some of the books my therapist suggested, it became clear. Parenting your little introvert or extrovert real simple. As an introverted child, i lived partly in a small suburb in minnesota and partly in my imagination.
We live in a culture that values extroverts, yet people with introvert personality traits have much to offer. How seeing the world through the lens of personality changes everything, i walk you through 7 different frameworks, explaining the basics in a way you can actually understand, sharing personal stories about how what i learned made a difference in my life, and showing you how it could make a difference in yours, as well. The power of introverts in a world that cant stop talking is a 2012 nonfiction book written by susan cain. One of the biggest challenges of being an introvert raising an extrovert is that your child might want to make play dates happen. The most important thing in bringing up introverted children is to work with, not against, their strengths. Often creative, passionate, and deepthinking, introverted children bring a different type of energy and social dynamic to home and school. Mighty mommy shares 8 strategies for raising an introverted child to be a successful, confident adult. The first child, who becomes energized by being around people and activity, is considered an extravert. A seven hour school day can be completely exhausting for an introverted. The cruel irony of an introvert having a child, is that you have at least a 5050 chance of ending up with an extroverted child. Here are 15 mistakes most parents dont even realize they are making with their introverted child. However her main focus is the oftenoverlooked value and strengths of the introvert. Parenting the sensitive and introverted child wyatt the. This is an excellent book which clearly describes the traits of introverted children and provides strategies for helping them to navigate an extrovert dominated world.
Surviving as an introverted mother quiet revolution. Share with your children your own personality needs as a parent. Meeting an extroverted childs needs parenting from scratch. Marti olsen laney, author of the introvert advantage with 74,000 copies in print, the hidden gifts of the introverted child fully explains introversion as a hardwired temperament, not a disability, and tells just what parents need to do to help their child become the person he or she is meant to beand succeed in an extroverted world. Let me introduce you to a child who shares many characteristics with the introverted children i have met and.
Nature has wired the introvert s brain differently from the extrovert. While you need to encourage exercise, physical activity, and healthy interactions, its just as important to identify where your child experiences the greatest emotional growth and gets the greatest intellectual stimulation. Being an introvert is a challenge at any age since todays world focuses so much on speaking out and being outgoing. Without a parent who listens and reflects back to them, like an. Marti olsen laney, a portland psychotherapist, explains these personality differences in her book the hidden gifts of the introverted child. They rely on their inner resources rather than constantly turning to. In particular, the fight or flight aspect of their nervous systems is active, as research proves. Buy the ultimate parenting guide for introvert moms, dads and kids.
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